Lord Horatio Nelson here. Please be patient--remember that I'm typing this with one hand. The other one, as you may know, was lost in the service of my country along with an eye. Back then my country was known as "England" or "The British Isles" or "The United Kingdom" some people even went so far as to dub it a "demi-paradise" and I couldn't have agreed more. Back then we were standing up alone against a continental tyrant bent of destroying us and dominating the world. That's why I didn't grudge the loss of assorted body parts. I figured it was all in a good cause.
In fact, now I wish the French had gone farther and shot off my ears as well. Then I wouldn't have to hear all the ghastly details of the 200th anniversary of my last battle at Trafalgar. It seems my "England", the old "demi-paradise", is now to be the "red" side in a mock encounter with a "blue" side. In other words, Trafalgar will be made "values-neutral" (that is the phrase, is it not?), more a game of chess than a decisive engagement that decided the fate of England, Europe and the world.
This is being done, I understand, to spare the feelings of the French. (You remember the French--they were the ones bent on world domination, lead by a pint-sized Corsican brigand. To mention this nowadays is, I'm learning, bad form.) Of course, back when I beat them for real the French admiral felt so bad he committed suicide. I wonder what would have happened if I had spared his feelings and lost?
Considering that the England I gave my arm, my eye and my life for can't commemorate my sacrifice--and the sacrifice of hundreds of my officers and men--in proper style leads me to wonder if that sacrafice wasn't misbegotten. What, after all, were we doing out there on the waves, not touching land for months--sometimes years--at a time, weathering every kind of sea while maintaining blockades, shadowing enemy squadrons and engaging them in ferocious, muzzle-to-muzzle battles? For all the foll-de-roll purveyed at your universities nowadays, the fact remains that men will die willingly for the right idea. And those ideas--as well as the names of those who died for them--should never be forgotten.
Sorry about that. Bad form. Won't happen again. I suppose at the next re-enactment of the Normandy landings will we have a "grey" side and a "green" side.
I'd give my right arm and eye for a "re-enactment" with that Mrs Hamilton, oh yes, make no mistake about it ...
... just thought I'd lower the tone for a moment.
Posted by: stephenesque | May 24, 2005 at 04:30 PM
You do realize the woman had to go to Bath to bathe because of large, red scaly patches don't you? Perhaps if my husband had had both eyes he wouldn't have been led so far astray.
Posted by: Mrs. Nelson | May 24, 2005 at 04:54 PM
Yeah, yeah I know...rum, sodomy and the lash, yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Bacardi Gold, etc. I like my heros with foibles. It makes them easier to immitate.
Posted by: Mr. Peperium | May 24, 2005 at 07:42 PM
I say, you have gotten something of a coup here. What with Lord Nelson writing for your blog.
Posted by: Misspent | May 25, 2005 at 12:15 AM
yes but everyone had large, red scaly patches back then, especially the, er, more "active" ladies.
Posted by: stephenesque | May 25, 2005 at 11:16 AM
Mrs. Hamilton wasn't active. She was insatiable.
Posted by: Mrs. Nelson | May 25, 2005 at 02:07 PM