Bond...James Bond
You know his name...You know his number...And you know what he does best...
This is the Hollywood equation for Ian Fleming's Commander Bond. Like all good equations it is made up of both constants and variables. The constants are the name, the number, and the je ne sais crois. The variables are the actors who play Commander Bond and the Bond girls. Since this is my blog and my art class, we will focus on the Bonds I fancy. I fancy the debonair Bonds. Bond is as debonair as he is cruel. If a lady finds herself alone with him, chances are even that when he departs, she'll be either dead or alive. It is this very risky to a lady's health variable about James Bond that makes him the Ultimate Bad Boy.
The Bond actors that appeal best to my sense of the Ultimate Bad Boy, or the debonair are George Lazenby and Roger Moore. Both men look as if they've been chiseled from granite. Plus they have incredible eyes and great voices. I fancy good eyes, hands, and voices. However, since playing Bond is all about the mystique of Bond, there are things that actors who play Bond should never reveal to the ladies in the audience. Because if it's not what the ladies expect or, worse, what they assume, then his mystique is gone in a poof. Now, if I did not possess the pilot vision that I do (20/10) or intellectual curiousity that I have (women only go to Bond movies for the articles) then perhaps I may never have seen what Roger Moore once showed. If I had never seen that, then I would have been in complete agreement with the sentiments expressed in this and Roger Moore would be my Ultimate Bad Boy Bond. But I saw what I saw. Then I showed Mr. P what I saw to make sure I saw what I saw. He agreed that I did see what I saw and said that it was a shame that I saw it because it certainly removed Roger's mystic like a poof. It also made Mr. P a much happier man and husband but I digress.
In For Your Eyes Only, Bond's love interest was Melina Havelock. Now, if the actress playing Melina had spent more time in acting class developing skills rather than stares, she may have become one of the best Bond girls out there. Physically, she and Bond are an intriguing pair. Intriguing largely because of her lack of lust. They appear to be more a father and daughter duo. But a father that is always chasing his daughter and we aren't exactly quite sure why. And, if he does catch her, we don't know if we really want to see what happens. Well, by the end of the film, they've worked out the kinks, so to speak, and Melina most definitely is not James's daughter and she most definitely wants to be caught by him. Perhaps, because James has spent the better part of the tale chasing Melina around, the film ends with him chasing her into the ocean. Melina and Roger are only wearing their swim flippers. The scene is shot from the bottom of the ocean looking up with Roger and Melina swimming all around overhead. For most of the scene, Roger and Melina are in sillouette. However, even with clever angles and natural lighting, if one pays close attention, one can clearly see the outline of Roger Moore's boy parts. As most men will easily understand, if your going to show your adoring female fans your boy parts, doing so while swimming underwater in the Adriatic is not the most flattering enviroment. All a girl can think of is George from the Seinfeld show screeching to a new girlfriend that unexpectedly walked in on him changing after a swim, "It's shrinkage I tell you! IT'S SHRINKAGE!!!" and hope for Roger's sake (and his off-screen wife's sake), that, that was what was going on that day with Roger in the Adriatic.
Now keeping in mind that you have Mr. P's agreement that I did see what I saw, I believe the scene in question is at the end of this video clip. The quality is very bad and you may not be able to see it. So, if you want to see if I did see what I say I saw, then get a DVD and put it on a high-definition screen. Your wife will be pleased. Or maybe she won't. But trust, you will be.
Poor James...
If you're interested, this is my Ultimate Bad Boy Bond. Of course with him, I've only ever seen his books. Which for some girls is all they ever have to see.
Any questions?
Mrs. P
I can't see anything...
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 02:27 PM
Disappointing. I know...
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 02:29 PM
Shrinkage indeed...
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 03:13 PM
Let's hope.
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 03:16 PM
Hey, these art classes are fun.
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 03:16 PM
What's your opinion of Sean Connery as Bond?
Posted by: Honey Ryder | November 21, 2006 at 03:19 PM
Ahh... Sean Connery. Now, he can snap my neck like a twig.
And I'd enjoy it...
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 04:31 PM
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=417388&in_page_id=1770&in_page_id=1770&expand=true#StartComments
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=417610&in_page_id=1770
Posted by: Jacobite | November 21, 2006 at 05:27 PM
Mrs. P, are you there?
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 06:48 PM
George Lazenby is your "Ultimate Bad Boy"? I am sure there is nothing to be seen in OHMSS, but he did star in not one, not two, but 007 Emmanuel porn films. So, in contrast to Roger Moore there is a body of data available on Lazenby, although perhaps not with "natural lighting."
Posted by: Lout, Fiendish Lout | November 21, 2006 at 06:49 PM
Yes. I've got 5 pies to bake and a batch of brownies. I've decided to worry about that tomorrow. So, I've poured myself a glass of wine and am awaiting Mr. P's arrival...
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 06:51 PM
Perhaps we should be talking turkey...
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 06:52 PM
Card's wife, am I reading correctly what Fiendish wrote?
What does talking turkey mean?
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 06:53 PM
Giblets, stuffing, pecan pies etc.
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 06:54 PM
Oh... Well, what about Emmanuel? I thought it meant God among us.
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 06:55 PM
Lazenby is dead to me...
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 06:57 PM
Why? That means he had something to see.
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 07:02 PM
I hadn't thought of it like that.
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 07:03 PM
Had being the operative word in the kind lady's sentence.
Posted by: George Lazenby | November 21, 2006 at 07:06 PM
Ooh. I hadn't thought of it like that either.
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 07:07 PM
Let's not.
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 07:09 PM
You're right. Let's remember George as he was. Not that we ever knew how that was, of course...
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | November 21, 2006 at 07:11 PM
He was something. Now he's not but who is?
Posted by: George Lazenby | November 21, 2006 at 07:16 PM
Daniel Craig.
Posted by: Card's wife | November 21, 2006 at 07:17 PM
My Dear Mrs.P: If you think that Bond "is as debonair as he is cruel" then I need for you to go back and re-read the books...
There is one, repeat one, cinematic James Bond, and that is Sir Sean Connery...The rest, especially Sir Roger Moore, is nancy boy garbage...Daniel Craig could make it 'two' cinematic Bonds, if they continue to let him play it as from the books. This remains to be seen. He was impressive in his first outing.
Keep in mind that a date with Mr. Fleming would result in your sitting on soft cushions for a bit, or just standing up for a fortnight after...
And why don't you talk about the famous, or infamous 'torture scene' in Casino Royale? After reading it , even Noel Coward asked Ian, "what were you thinking, old boy"?
Posted by: Wg Cdr Sir Basil Seal, KG GCB GBE MC JP | November 21, 2006 at 08:08 PM