We Have Two Kings

Madame's Nightshirt
Mrs. Peperium

My dear readers,

Our visit to Bermuda was filled with great pleasure. Mr. P rested and relaxed which was one of his two desires. I returned with no tan lines which was his other desire. ODT, Father M., and Christine, we were delighted to hear our cards and little parcels had made their way to their intended destinations. I do so like it when the Royal Mail behaves like it used to.

It was amusing to return from holidaying among the monarchists to learn we not only had but one, but two new reigning monarchs at Patum Peperium. Fido Castro cashed in his political chips making Mario Mandingo and The Maximum Leader winners of Patum Peperium's Ghoul Pool. This entitles them both to be King for the day here (on different days), royal proclamations (2 or 3), and maybe, just maybe, if I can get the my mind out of vacation mode, which may prove impossible as this vacation really did adjust my attitude, a little something from the kitchens of Patum Peperium. Though the kitchens of Patum Peperium did not do anything for our previous monarch, Christine the Good, so it might be wrong if the kitchens began passing out treats now.

Our new leaders have been alerted to their win. They both were under the charming impression that they did not win because Fido had not actually died. It is at times like this when Patum Peperium proves just how in touch with reality it is. It is true that Fido Castro did not die. But that was only because Fido cheated. Imagine that one? Fido cheating. Positively astonishing isn't it? Fido cheated when he was on his deathbed last summer. He did not call in a Cuban doctor to cure what ailed him. Instead he called in a fleet of Spanish specialists to cure what ailed him (physically, not mentally as the ship carrying his sanity sailed more than 50 years ago). It is considered cheating because Fido would never allow any Cuban who was feeling a bit under the weather the freedom to do the same thing. Fido has always said (most fervently too) and that Oscar and Cannes-winning filmmaker twit, Michael Moore has agreed with him (most fervently too) that the Cuban medical system is the finest in the world. Yet when on death's door, Fido did not avail himself of the medical establishment he created. Adding insult to injury to the Cuban doctors, the Spanish doctors showed up in Hermes ties, belts, and loafers because unlike the Cuban doctors, Fido had to pay the Spanish doctors. And pay them well. Therefore those doctors can afford to dress well, unlike Cuban doctors. Though the Cuban doctors can take comfort in knowing that wearing Hermes is not considered dressing well. It is considered dressing like the mafia.

Because Fido Castro did not die, he revolutionized the role of ghouls worldwide. Ghouls, before they hand in their feedbags, make peaceful transitions of power that warm the cold, cruel hearts collected around the horsehoe table at the U.N. I understand when peaceful transfer of power in Cuba was announced, the collective exhales in the faculty rooms of Harvard, Yale, Columbia, and Oxford was not only strong enough to blow out the marijuana cigarettes but extinguish the bongs as well.

So, since the days have passed of ghouls staying in power until death removed them, and since the CIA isn't allowed to do their job and snuff them out, The Ghoul Pool must adapt to the new world realities or it too will die. Ghouls no longer need to die. He/she/it just needs to hand over the reins of ill-gotten power. Since Mandingo and Maxy have won, this means everyone who wants to play is allowed to pick a new ghoul or stay with the one they have (record yours in the comment thread, even if you are keeping the same ghoul).

I am going with the one ghoul left who is a ghoul of the old school. She will depart her stolen throne feet first, HM Queen Elizabeth II. The mesmeric, myopic monarchists that inhabit these gentle waters will say of course, this is because she is truly regal. No, my mesmeric, myopic monarchist friends, this is because she is truly German and never gives up. Remember the Third Reich and their carpet chewer? In his final days, he sent out 12 year-olds in lederhosen armed with sticks to defend Berlin from the advancing Soviet tanks. However, I will grant the mesmeric, myopic monarchists the fact that HM has done a fairly good job of pretending to be regal, particularly with her choices of pocketbooks and the breeding of such slow children. Any of you are free to choose HM as well, because like the Europe of old, there's always much fun to be had when lots of Kings and Queens are roaming around Patum Peperium kicking the cats, wiping their hands on the dogs, and tripping over their coronation gowns.

Though if you want to win, choosing Chavez may be the wiser choice this morning.

Proving my grandfather was right when he told me things always happen in 3's, there were two other deaths during our absence. First, William F. Buckley. We were not personal friends with Mr. Buckely. But our friends were. They miss him already. We will miss him too.

On a much, much happier note, Hillary Rotten Clinton died. Though I told you she had died in January. Admit it now, most of you doubted me then, some of you even questioned my sanctity and others of you went so far to call me at home to question my sanity. And I know most of you are now saying "Mrs. P, she's not dead! She's alive! More than than, she's standing right behind you with a big butcher's knife!" No, she's not. She may technically be alive. Alive in the same technical sense Castro is, which is a Hell of a life, I might add, now that his power has been transferred. Hillary Clinton is as dead as Castro is, politically. For her to win the White House she needs her husband to call up his *friends* and get them to get the dead, as well as abandoned parking lots, stray cats, dogs and parakeets to cast their votes for her. So, this primary season has established beyond a reasonable doubt that the world's smartest woman and leading feminist, Hillary Clinton only rose as high as she did by marrying the sleaze she did. (Don't you just adore the First Amendment?) More than that, Hillary, to get the chance to run for president (and promptly fall flat on her face) had to sacrifice her feminist principals, relinquish her dignity as a woman, and take all of her husband's abuse publicly for more than 2 decades while saying she loved him. What makes her death (or transfer of power) all so much more delicious is that she is being beaten by a carbon-copy airhead candidate of her husband, complete with the angry, Ivy League-educated wife. So we cheer the dead woman walking, Hillary Rotten Clinton, on as she will now, once again for the 2,345,725 time, go back on her principals and try to seat the Michigan and Florida delegates so that she can finally take the sack full of wet sand to the back of Obama's head at the Democratic National Convention. As the ladies at NOW are so fond of screeching "You go girl!"

Castro the Cheater is dead!

Long Live Mario Mandingo and The Maximum Leader!

Here wishing Babalu Aye to come to the people of Cuba, as the Clintons were fond of saying, sooner rather than later:

Desi is my favorite Cuban after Father M, of course.

Comments

[Old Dominion Tory]

Welcome back, Mr. and Mrs. Peperium! I'm glad the weather cooperated with Mr. Peperium's wishes (Oh that boy!).
Thanks as well for the entertainment from Desi!
Cheers!

[Mrs. Peperium]

ODT, you did not pick a ghoul.

Robbo?

[Old Dominion Tory]

I did not pick a ghoul, Mrs. Peperium. Difficult to choose from the many suitable candidates. Sorry!

[Robbo the Llama Butcher]

I hang my head in shame as I seem to have missed the invitation altogether. I probably would have gone for the long shot: Chavez. In the sauna. With a "Greetings from Langley" poisoned blow-dart.

[Mrs. Peperium]

Perhaps I've not been clear. Anyone that wants to play for a chance of being Monarch for a day here, now is the time to name your ghoul. You can go with as many as 3 because we like it when ghouls kick the bucket.

So Robbo, you've got Chavez. Others are free to choose him as well.

Previous winners are also free to play again. Just pick new ghouls as well.

Elk, who is yours?

[MCNS]

Mrs P, the smart money probably would be on Mugabe, who's getting up in years and reportedly has health problems. That, and the population of his capital is reduced to subsisting on any stray giraffes who happen to wander across the city limits.

But if I may I'd like to choose Chavez, too. The unholy alliances that Massachusetts' Michael Moore-like Democrats (Joe Kennedy et al) have struck with this Venezuelan tinpot, purely to score partisan points against the current US administration, will make it all the more satisfying from this vantage when he finally meets his just reward. What is a good Venezuelan cocktail (with or without capybara) to hoist to his demise?

[Christine]

Mrs. P,
You sound positively bubbly.

I'd think William of Orange and his wife Mary the far greater ghouls; because of the revolution they helped instigate, Catholics were denied the vote or to sit in Westminster, were refused commissions in the army, and the possibility of Catholic monarchy was forever ruled out in England. Elizabeth simply inherited the throne they unlawfully usurped...

I'll have to think a while on choosing my ghoul. Will get back to you on it...

[Andrew Cusack]

Robbo, given Langley's reputation, they'd probably suck instead of blow and end up killing themselves.

[Mrs. Peperium]

Andrew, can you photoshop?

[Lorraine]

I am so very ignorant of current events but my Ghool Pool pick is Hu Jintao. And here is a suitable epitaph for his tomb: "Made in China".

[Crackie]

I think my original ghoul pool pick was Sudanese President Omar Hassan al-Bashir. Alas, عمر حسن احمد البشير is a mere 64, so I don't have his age going for me. But I will stick with the original pick.

[Andrew Cusack]

I don't think so. I've never used photoshop, actually.

[Jeremy]

Is it cheating, or too cheeky, to pick "President" José Manuel Barroso?

[Christine]

BTW, I think I'll go with President Nguyễn Minh Triết...

[Mrs. Peperium]

Crackie, I thought you had assumed room temp with Castro. Glad to see you back on the active lists.

Jeremy, no it would not be cheeky...though it would be more advantageous if you want to win to select Gov. Eliot Spitzer. He's about to give up the ghost and he's quite ghoulish in more ways than one.

[William A. Cubbedge]

Dang it! I should have written in earlier and picked Spitzer!

I choose the Queen, President Kim of N. Korea, and Raul Castro.

WAC

[Jeremy]

Ha!

It's almost a shame that Spitzer the corporate and moral crusader didn't do his miscreant's deeds in Florida. Then he'd be eligible for prison there -- roomed with Lord Black. Crossharbour's joy would be complete, the governor's misery perfected, and the resulting book brilliant.

To check my Schadenfreude, rather than pick the governor in order to be king, may I have Gaddafi as my second choice? A man who overthrows his king to govern seems a rather good definition of ghoul.

[Old Dominion Tory]

Up until Monday, Spitzer would not have been a good choice because the press was intent on casting him as a "crusader" because he wisely (cynically?) chose targets that the press disliked--e.g., anyone who lived better than them--and tamed them further by feeding juicy tidbits to pet reporters. In a sense, he treated them like the prostitutes he routinely abused--and they were content with the terms of the relationship.
I wonder if any of them feel dirty this morning.

[zoli1977]

Yep, Castro died, this not a figure of his surname i thought. I do leisure at Moscow jungle 'n enough of politics, i still miss sir Basil posts... in Russia always beeing on the far part of the world, how you kindly tell me, Prokofeyev 'n Chopen so attractive to hear i really dunno was your rest
like wedding trip?