Man About Mayfair
My Dear Viv,
It seems that the Child-In-Chief President "I Hope you didn't want to keep the Change" Obama, will soon be winging his way across the Big Water to visit the Great White Mother. I'm sure Her Majesty is breathless in anticipation to be meeting real life gangsters from Chicago. While first hiding her hand bag in the cupboard, and placing more Blues around the family silver, she will want to discuss the challenges facing the leader of a one party democracy. She knows a bit about that, since it's sort of like being the Queen of England. Of course, the GWM is an old hand when it comes to post colonial dictators, socialist party leaders, and run away bureaucracies but she hasn't entertained a messiah since Blair was sent packing. Plus she has already watched the destruction of her own Kingdom by their messiah, so she has a pretty good idea what's in store for her cousins across the Great Water. Since 1952 she has greeted and waved goodbye to all U.S. leaders except Lyndon Johnson, which didn't interrupt her royal slumber in the least. They are all dead or writing their fictional memoirs somewhere as she still sits smiling on her throne. Which is why it would be unwise to underestimate the GWM. Hell, she even had to meet with that complete ass, the dancing Trudeau (he's gone too). The meeting is unusual since Obama is there, not for a State visit, but just to enlarge the U K's carbon footprint. And of course, to drop off a Barnes and Noble gift card for Incapability Brown so he can get himself some DVDs that actually play in the UK. Note: Obama was caught re-gifting when Brown visited Washington a few weeks back, in case you didn't know...Brown gave Obama a piece of a slave ship, but Obama didn't understand the significance since he's not authentically black.
The protocol people are in overdrive on both sides of the Great Water. Her Majesty's office is searching for a suitable gift for the first not authentically black socialist president, trying to convince Incapability Brown that slobbering on Heads-of -State is not quite the thing, and ordering all Fleet Street photographers to simultaneously run out of film when anyone sees the flick of the First Bic. I mean, the American press has it down pat, shouldn't be that hard. They also have to stock up on Goji Berry and kumquat rain water and vegetarian snacks which Obama favors, since he is a man of the right people, after all. They did have to explain to Her Majesty that "vegetarian" is and old American Indian word which means "bad hunter". They have also been trying to come up with a tactful way to direct Obama to Savile Row in order that he might order some suits that actually fit. One does notice the unsightly gap at the back, doesn't one. Although this is a tough nut since it is a tradition that American Presidents "dress down" in order to be seen as "one of the mob". Well, at least as much of one of the mob as Ivy League multi-millionaires can be. Which is silly since in America even the wearing of a cheap off the peg suit is seen as snobbish. If the President dressed like the mob he'd wear shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops and backward ball cap, and that's when he's at church.
Meanwhile, the Americans are trying to find some evidence somewhere which proves that a messiah outranks a Queen, explaining to Obama that Her Majesty's real name is not Helen Mirren, asking Mrs. Blair to teach Mrs. Obama that "curtsy-as-insult thing" she had going on, scouring the basement for any unopened gifts which the Queen might like, stocking up on Kools, and lining up a fence in Chicago just in case Rahm does happen to get anywhere near the family silver.
So, as you see, it should be a very good time had by all. I'll want you to hang about afterward and get all the dish from Her Majesty. Write back and tell all. It should be fun.
Do not forget, It's Tuesday!