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December 09, 2004

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Cardinal

Mrs. Postlethwaite. . .she's the fat one with one eye, isn't she? I don't want her anywhere near anything that I intend on putting in my mouth. Have you ever examined her digits? Well, more on all that later.

Mrs. P, I was very sorry to hear about Marupa's broken leg, but I wanted you to know that after you left DRC, Freaky Friday came in at 9 to 1 in the third race and you cashed in (again -- week 3!) on the trifecta. That's $2740! Not a bad days work. I'm afraid they're going to ask us to stay away from DRC. Obviously Dr. Goodtimes does indeed know what he's talking about.

I know you're upset about Marupa, but what's she doing on the roof anyway? You told her to stay on the ladder. It's pretty obvious that you can't clean the gutters from the roof, it's too steep in back. I wouldn't be surprised if you discover she spent the afternoon with Ernest and Julio Gallo, like last year when she left John's gun on the hood of the Jeep in the front yard. Let's face it, 75 year old Bolivians who can barely hear (or speak English for that matter) are probably not the most reliable housekeepers (and no green card!)

Now then, who are these "other friends" you're referring to? I understood that I was judging these WebGrog Awards. And who's paying O'Dow's to put up the drinks? I know it's certainly not going to come out of your track booty. And Mr. P is tighter than bark on a tree (although I'm sure he's more than willing to serve as a judge, right?).

Listen, before I forget, I can't bring your money tonight. I don't want to roam around jazz joints in Detroit with $2700 on me. Perhaps if we head to O'Dow's after we leave Baker's, I can stop by home and pick the cash up. And then you can buy me a couple of large thank you martinis.

By the way, when we're at Baker's don't get into another one of those discussions about how misunderstood the south was. There's something about being in a jazz club that's 99% black that makes me a tad uncomfortable when you decide to go all Scarlet O'Hara on us and lecture the adjacent tables on the endless charms of the antebellum south.

And, Mrs. P, I know how you think, so don't go ordering a Mint Julep and start telling everyone how you're in a Kentucky Derby mood because you just won the trifecta at DRC. Let's keep our winnings and Dr. Goodtimes to ourselves.

Now. Back to Mrs. Postlethwaite. That woman is not to make my drinks, touch my glass, or hack and cough anyplace within fifty yards of me. In fact, I'd prefer if she could be boiled and sprayed a couple of times before being allowed in the bar. At least that might eliminate some of the moving things that currently make their home on her body.

Must run to an appointment. More to tell you later.

Mrs. Peperium

Cardinal, here is the recipe submission from the GPA&CC. With a little luck or bad luck depending on your outlook, this is guarranted to start the WebGrog Awards with a bang. We've yet to meet a bar mistress who has accomplished the continued stream of liquid fire. But we have faith in dear Miss Postlethewaite because we have met her forearms. Have your wife tuck a box of baking soda in her purse before you set off.

The Blue Blazer
Use two large silver-plated mugs with handles:
2 1/2 oz. Irish, Canadian or Scotch Whiskey
2 1/2 oz. boiling water
Put whiskey into one mug and the boiling water into the other. Ignite whiskey and while blazing, mix both ingredients by pouring them 4 or 5 times from one mug to the other. If well done, this will have the appearance of a continued stream of liquid fire.
Sweeten with 1 teaspoon of Powdered Sugar and a piece of lemon peel. Serve immediately in a hot whiskey glass.

Mrs. Peperium

Miss Postlethewaite is Mrs. Postlethewaite's daughter. Her personal grooming is much better than her mother's but she does has her mother's mixing talent.

the Cardinal's wife

Mrs. P, I told you to go easy on the
Christmas decorations. I feel certain that Marupa was really putting up the Christmas lights when she had her bad fall, wasn't she? (I know you'd never have her cleaning gutters.) Anyway, here's my entry for the webgrog contest.

Froth Blower Cocktail

White of 1 egg
1 Teaspoon Grenadine
2 oz. Dry Gin

Shake well with cracked ice and
strain into 4 oz. cocktail glass.

Monty

Congrats, Mrs. P. I've just read of your good fortune at the race track. And sorry to hear about your housekeeper. Perhaps a wee sip of a couple of my WebGrog recommendations will cheer her up.

Here's my favorite: The Monty

2 jiggers of whiskey (your choice)
2 more jiggers of whiskey
Drink.
Repeat.

Here's another: The Soiled Kilt (named for my favorite pub)

1 pint Guinness
1 shot whiskey (your choice, dear)
Drink.
Repeat until:
a) You don't remember where you are.
b) You are asked to go home by a representative of the local constabulary.
c) You forget what you are shouting and arguing about.

If a fight occurs and you prevail, reward yourself with another of the above.

You know, dear, this makes old Monty rather thirsty. I shall off to the Soiled Kilt at once for a nip of my own entries.

Mrs. Peperium

Marupa is feeling much better today. The children are attending to her every wish.
Cardinal, you have some drinking to do - get to it. Run the Soiled Kilt up the flagpole and see which outcome you get.

Cardinal

Mrs. P, why is Dr. Tiso giving me $300 for you and telling me you'll "know what it's all about"? It's bad enough this quack is doing nothing for my foot, he's now using me as a courier for what I feel certain are unsavory activities.

Frankly, the guy has always given me the creeps. I'll bet the folks in Slovkia feel well rid of him. (Or was it the Czech Republic?)

And his breath!! Wow! I wonder if it's really necessary for him to eat garlic, onion, and limberger cheese sandwiches before every appointment he has with me?
And he probably drinks out of the toilet with that bulldog of his ("Here Bruce, here Bruce. Smell dat fut. Vot do you tink dat ist, hunh?") You haven't lived until you've had Bruce lick your foot. Tiso probably charges extra for that.

Anyway, you'll get the $300 when I give you the $2740.

Delighted to hear about MISS Postlethwaite. I take it she's the blond babe with all the TALENT who looks about 18? She's the only other dame I know who's behind the bar. But, I've gotta tell you, if she's related to that fat cyclops she must be relying heavily upon her father's genes.

I am headed to Oakland Hills for lunch. Any messages for the boys in the Men's Grill? I know Bill B. and Tony in the locker room will want any new tips, but you handle that directly via phone or whatever. Anything else I'll be glad to relay (golf bets what have you).

I love the entries from Monty. Both sound delicious, but so as not to be too much of a pig, I plan on trying only a couple of those lovely Monties (entry one) as soon as I can get myself situated at the bar.

Michael

This is a family favorite. We don't have a name for it so I'll call it Michael's Cocktail since I'm entering it.
Cheers.

1 ounce port wine
1 ounce Apricot Brandy
Mix with ice to chill and strain into a cordial type glass.

le jackal

What little you know. "Fitz" lives on, in secret. While you were munching on cheez-puffs tuesday night and watching Wheel of Fortune in your sweatpants & Simpsons t-shirt, "Fitz" lived on at an undisclosed location, as it will again next tuesday and the tuesday after that. Granted it's not "Oakland Hills", but we make do with, well, Manhattan. The conversation was lofty as usual, and if we interjected words such as "nubile" we did so knowing what they meant and in an appropriate context.

The Crack Young Staff

Frankly, we aren't very big drinkers, but, since your wonderful post offered an obvious tip of the cap in our direction, we figured we ought to come up with a drink.

We call it the "college special":

Mix kegs full of PBR and one vaguely unattractive co-ed.

Although this mix may go down smooth, it has a rather nasty aftertaste.

Cardinal

I've already tried out Monty's #1.

To wit: 2 jiggers scotch whisky: Macallan's 12 and Glenkinchie 10. And another 2 jiggers scotch whiskey: Lagavulin 16 and Glenmorangie 18.

Drink (I did indeed). And repeat (this I did not venture as yet, perhaps tomorrow at Baker's Keyboard Lounge with a bit of jazz).

Conclusion: Very tastey. An entry that will certainly be hard to beat. Although I must admit that I did not mix these. I lined up jigger glasses and followed one with another (with water chasers in between). Excellent. And walk home from Oakland was conducted in a warm, yellow glow.

Will be off to Dick O'Dow's after a ZZZzzz break and will plow right into Monty's #2. After all, there's no place west of Galway Bay that's better for Guinness.

Will you and Mr. P be joining me?

Mrs. Peperium

Cardinal, Mr. P is homeward bound as we speak and I need my winnings so yes we will be there to see you raise up Monty's Soiled Kilt a few times.
I didn't understand Le Jackal's recipe perhaps Miss Postlethewaite can translate. Where are we going to find a vaguely unattractive co-ed for the entry from HateMongers? I'll contribute some of my recent winnings for a scholarship (3GG's sounds about right) please start looking around for one. Oh, Michael's recipe should be sampled by someone who is not lined with tin, so send it down the bar to Mrs. Pease.

Cardinal

I have napped nary a wink and am in place and ready to partake here at Dick O'Dow's.
I am looking forward to you and Mr. P appearing within the hour.

As to your queries:

I believe Jackal suggested a warm Blatz followed by a mouthful of bitters.

As for "vaguely unattractive coeds," well, that's never really a problem, is it? And it will certainly not be a cost issue, so save your Gs or, as you put it, GGs.

And, yes, I will let you be the judge of Michael's concoction.

When will Mr. P put the pix, etc. of O'Dow's up on your site? Enquiring minds need to know.

Mitsy Cabot Vanderholt

I have the perfect drink for this contest. I call it the Apple Toddy Cocktail. It is a favorite of my family and has been for my daughter, myself, my mother, and my grandmother. Frankly, before that my family was made up of teetotalers.

One oz. rum (or vodka)
One oz. sweet vermouth
One tablespoon apricot brandy
One tablespoon grenadine
One teaspoon lemon juice
One teaspoon brown sugar
Shake well with craked ice and serve up or on the rocks with a slice of apple.

Everyone who tries this loves it.

Mr. Peperium

(To be read in a whisper): We're here at the seventh barstool of Dick O'Dow's. The seventh is a notoriously tricky barstool; the bar here does a dogleg off to the left, and it can be hard to catch Miss Postlethwaite's eye.

Nevertheless, the Cardinal is teeing up with Monty's Second Entry, the "Soiled Kilt". Miss Postlethwaite is drawing the pint of Guiness with a smooth, easy motion. No hurry, no sense of pressure. A true champion. Now here's the shot of Scotch. I think...yes, I'm almost certain it's Glenmorangie 10, a favorite of the Cardinal and certainly one that he has put to very good use in the past here at the seventh barstool.

The Soiled Kilt is now being lifted. The Cardinal has always had a faultless follow-through in situations like this. He's drained his glass. You can hear the subdued applause from the other patrons: respectful, admiring, almost worshipping of a man who has certainly done some legendary things here at Dick O'Dow's in his time.

Back to you, Cardinal.

Cardinal

Thank you, Mr. P, it's wonderful to be here and I must say that that was a truly marvelous "Soiled Kilt." I must, however, point out that the Glenmorangie was not a 10, but an 18, which, as I know you'll appreciate, makes quite a difference --even here at the seventh stool. Of course, an 18 is extra helpful when it has to follow a pint of Guinness as well.

Mrs. Peperium

The Cardinal's wife is drinking the entry from the Ryder Cup team. Yes, the Ryder Cup team may have lost the Ryder Cup but they're hoping to make for up it by winning the 2004 WebGrog Awards. The Cardinal's wife took the loss very hard last September. We decided she had earned the privilege to sample their beverage; The Champ's Champagne Cocktail (recipe tomorow when the Cardinal's wife sober's up) I believe the Cardinal's wife is on her 3rd Champagne Cocktail. (Her idea of sampling is unlike everyone else's)
I am currently midway through Michael's entry. Velvety, powerful and delightful, the apricot is nice. Not a surprise Michael's entire family likes it. They must get along well too. After a few of these I might even like John Kerry.
Miss Posthewaite is going to get some Braeburn and Fuji apples for tomorrow's sampling of the Apple Toddy. Oh, there goes another Soiled Kilt down the Cardinal's gullet. That makes 3, no 4 his wife is motioning. The police should be here shortly.

the Cardinal's wife

Mrs. P, did you see where the European Ryder
Cup Team flag is displayed at Dick O'Dows? I think it's time to take it down. It's time to prepare for the 2008 PGA. One more
thing, I forgot to tell you we're having dinner with Don and Sue T. tonight.

Cardinal

I see that Kerik has withdrawn his name from consideration to head Homeland Security. Why? It seems that he was employing illegal aliens (a housekeeper and a nanny). Sound familiar?

Hope Marupa is feeling better and healing quickly. I also hope you're not planning on a position in the Bush cabinet.

By the way, did Marupa get most of the gutters cleaned out before she did her head over heels? (At least that would be some compensation for the broken leg.)

the Cardinal's wife

Perhaps Marupa has a Bolivian drink recipe
she'd like to submit.

Mrs. Peperium

Marupa does, it's a variation on a caparina. Mr. P is well aquainted with it and knows the recipe backwards and forwards and upside down as he's often helped himself to a few more while lying under the table.
Mr. P said the Soiled Kilt will be hard to beat. What scotch did he use, Cardinal? That was really chivalrous of you to buy the 3 responding officers drinks last night when they got off duty. Monty's kilt has probably not been raised that much since the days of the catapult.
Great to hear you're having dinner with Sloppy Sue. I cannot think of someone better to sample the "College Special". The co-ed that kindly offered to help us out will have to be scratched. We need a vaguely attractive male co-ed now. Don't forget to post the Champagne cocktail recipe. Unfortunately you were too much in your cups to tell how you liked it or what it was made of. Rule one of judging, stay sober somehow.
Since Mr.P has called dibs on the Apple Toddy we will set to work on those. Want to meet up later?

John Fitzgerald

Begging your pardon, but one amongst your readership has completely invaded the comments section of my blog, apparently on your behalf. Need I point out that this is, well, bad form? I hold you responsible. Don't make me keep the new fitz address from you.

Misspent

Um, don't you all have children? Don't make one of us call DCFS.

Misspent

Did you fall off the bar stool? What is going on?

Here is my addition:

Happy Christmas Drink (aka hot chocolate)

Whole milk
Fine powdered chocolate
Peppermint schnapps

Make hot chocolate. Pour in peppermint schnapps. Drink.

An alternate take on this recipe follows:
Make hot chocolate. Give to child. Pour glass of peppermint schnapps. Drink.

Also, check out my pop's comment on my last post. I often admired that sign when I was youngster and would blush everytime I read the "damn". What a punk!

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