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April 13, 2007


Old Dominion Tory

Apparently, Mr. Peperium, I need to acquaint you with the many joys of a mint julep made with Virginia Gentleman. I cannot promise, however, you will drink it in such sybaritic surroundings.

Father M.

I thought Canada was there for the further fulfillment of our manifest destiny...


I can't believe ODT beat me to the word 'sybaritic.'

Elwood P. Dowd would agree with your choice of libation, Mr P, to go by this similarly evocative excerpt from "Harvey." (Just substitute Nepal for Akron.)



For the whisky record, Canuckistan also produces another fine product called Tangle Ridge.
I make no promises as to its transportative properties, but it is nice to sip.

Old Dominion Tory

Father M --
Henry Clay and Thomas Jefferson had the same attitude in regards Canada, "a mere matter of marching" and all of that nonsense. You'd have thought they would have learned from the attempt to take Canada in 1775 (when Charles Carroll of Carrollton could help make the case for the American cause). I cringe to think what Clay & Co. would have done in Quebec upon finding it so darned French, Catholic, and set in its ways.

Dan Patterson

Men, in the company of other men, will manufacture environments that offer a combination of comfort, security, and familarity with few elements that do not fit the "form follows function" rule. The residents of Sybaris, and the dreamland of Mr. P and Basil Seal notwithstanding.

Mr P's sentence: "They diffuse the aroma of our father’s barbershops, where men were gentlemen and where all the magazines dealt with catching aggressive fish or handling large-bore weapons.” says it well. Reading that I am transported to a fictional but welcoming room where one's bad habits are accepted and one's good stories are expected.

Another cheap and reliable article is my friend, Makers Mark. With a dollop of water and no ice. I haven't seen the Nepalese maidens that accompany my friends, but maybe I just haven't filled my 'goblet' often enough.

Cheers, boys: To a long and happy life.

Dan Patterson
Arrogant Infidel


Mrs. P,
What think you of these Nepalese maidens flitting about in loose-fitting (albeit diaphonous) gowns?


Oops--it appears I've spelled "diaphanous" incorrectly. How embarrassing.

Mrs. Peperium


1. Married women do not need to know how to spell diaphanous, they just need to know how to wear it.

2. As for what I think about "the Nepalese maidens flitting about in loose-fitting gowns", I think they've been into my closet again. Mr. P had promised me he would keep them out of it.

Mr. Peperium

Sybaritic, huh? Why, I oughtta...um...

Wait a minute. Swiss steak...switch blade...swivel...swoopstake...sword grass...sword play...sword tail...ah, here it is: Sybarite..."a native or resident of the ancient city...notorious luxury...voluptuary..."

Oh. Cool.


Mrs. P,
Nevermind the fact that the typical Nepalese maiden is going to be 4'9", thick-waisted, with hair on her chest, and too poor to afford to drape silk across her broad and manly shoulders. But I digress....

Mr. Peperium

My Dear Christine,

You seem to be unaware of the strict and thorough screening process Basil and I exercise before any Nepalese maiden is allowed to carry her first ewer of Velvet to her first Roman couch. No, as a show of solidarity with Nepalese maidens everywhere, I must object that not all are thick-waisted, that Basil and I supply the girls with their diaphanous what-nots out of our own pockets, and that whatever hair might appear where hair should not--in a strictly aesthetic sense--be can be quickly and almost painlessly waxed.

Also, that Nepalese maidens cannot be quaranteed with every 1.75 liter jug of Black Velvet in shatterproof plastic with the easy-grip handle. Just wait till Mrs. P shares your mutual outing with Evelyn Waugh and Lord Peter Wimsey.

Sir Basil Seal

Hear, hear Mr. P...None of our Nepalese maidens rise above 4' 11" or weigh above 7 stone...And I for one have never noticed a hirsute maiden anywhere near Mr. P or myself...As you can see, our standards for maidens are as high as our standards for libations...As it should be, of course...As to the what-nots, those we designed ourselves...

Mr. Peperium

Thank you, Basil. Some people just don't seem to realize that while we are aesthetes, we both enjoy that rarer gift: the ability to see beyond the outer crust. Or bit of sacking. Or whatever a Nepalese maiden may be wearing when she first applies for work.

Dan Patterson

Crust. Diaphanous crust?

I readily admit to severe confusion from those opposing images clanging around in my head. Combine that with the practical description of Nepalese maidens and, well, I..I'm going to lie down for a while...

Mr. Peperium

I'm frankly surprised this is causing so much confusion.

In a nutshell, the what-nots, the gowns, the silk contrivances are diaphanous.

The outer crust or bit of sacking is what may need to be removed before said diaphanous contrivances can be issued.

You were in the military; so was Basil. All this should be familiar to you. (I'm speaking of the general process here; what you guys were issued was probably a lot less diaphanous.)

Mrs. Peperium

Frankly, now I'm getting confused. I thought Nepalese maidens stood about 5'4". Now I learn they are like Mr. P's and Basil's standards for libations which is knee level at the liquor emporium.

Knee level maidens are found in Polynesia among the pygmies...

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