Honoring Old Requests

Madame's Nighshirt
Mrs. Peperium

Patum Peperium's newer readers may not be aware that we count the Llama Butchers among our blogosphere friends. In fact our friendship is so friendly, Robbo the Llama Butcher once asked me for a very personal favor :

Beat Me, Hurt Me, Make Me Wear Made-Up Ties

This week the Maximum Leader came in for a tongue-lashing from Mrs. Peperium over a remark he had let fall about the shipment of oysters.

This (and perhaps a wee overdose of Clovis Sangrail) got me to wondering if I could goad the fabulous Mrs. P into subjecting me to a similar scolding. (Yes, this is the stuff of proper early middle-aged fantasy. Deal with it.)...

Well, dear readers, I did not beat Robbo, nor did I hurt him, or even strap the polka-dotted made-up tie on him. Why? Because Robbo wanted me to. You must never do what a man like Robbo wants, or worse, likes. But now, Robbo, most unknowingly too, has gone and stepped his cloven llama hoof in it. So I must hurt him.

According to Robbo, he will be a bachelor for the next 2 weeks as Mrs. Robbo is going to visit her parents and is taking the children with her. Mrs. Robbo is concerned that during her absence Robbo will eat only what he likes to eat. Robbo decided to ask his blog friends, who Mrs. Robbo believes are Robbo's make believe friends, to help prove his wife wrong, excuse me, to help him:

I was discussing food arrangements with the Missus last evening and she let fall a remark to the effect that I'll probably eat nothing but ribeye with two veg the entire time, her general theme being that I'm a picky and unimaginative eater.

Humph! As usual, there is a great deal to what she says. However, it occurred to me that perhaps this might be a chance to bend a bit. Branch out, as it were...

So, in his wife's absence Robbo says he wants to bend a little and branch out. Here's his idea of diversifying the old tastebuds:

I'm looking specifically for meals that are interesting, yet not too terribly complicated...no bivalves (clams, mussels, oysters, etc.). No mushrooms. No eggplant. No broccoli. Oh, and I hate tomatoes, although I don't mind cooking with them. And bear in mind that the weather is likely to be hot n' humid round here, so try not to suggest anything too heavy, either...I don't like fish...I'm no fan of leftovers...

So we, Robbo's make believe friends are to not only to submit recipes to Robbo to help him branch out, we are suppose to submit recipes that do not contain most foods listed in the 4 major food groups. More than that, we make believe friends are to submit recipes that will not leave leftovers for Robbo as he's not fond of them. If this is Robbo's idea of branching out then the man must be a walking topiary.

Robbo, you need to take a page from George Bush 41. He hated broccoli his entire life but it was only after he was elected President of the United States when he put his foot down with his ball and chain, the lovely Barbara Bush, and said "No more broccoli now that I'm President!" Barbara, realizing she was at last outranked by him in the old marital arena, calmly informed the White House chef of her doting husband's demand. Then, a call was placed to the State Department, probably by the Vice President, or maybe he passed the buck on to the Secretary of State, and all of the embassies slated for a Bush 41 Presidential visit were alerted to dump broccoli from the embasssy party circuit. The four years George Bush 41 occupied The White House, much of our government was a broccoli-free zone to the general dismay and outrage of broccoli growers across our country.

I did toy with the idea of ignoring Robbo's request again. But then I actually thought of a recipe that meets every last demand of Robbo's, even the leftover clause. If that weren't enough hot stuff, by giving Robbo the recipe in this space, I am honoring another request once made, a far more gallant request I might add, by Old Dominion Tory. By the way Robbo, you could take a few lessons from Old Dominion. Park yourself at his feet and whatever you do, don't move. Old Dominon is a VMI man. If you move in a way he doesn't like, he'll take his maroon sash and with his intricate knowledge of nautical knots, he'll bound you to your computer tighter than Ian Flemming's Colonel Klebb ever could, in spite of all the male hormones the Soviets forced fed her. Then there will be no cooking much less eating for you until Mrs. Robbo returns home. Imagine having to try and explain to her how you let your make believe friends do this to you...

Old Dominion, this recipe is for you. Robbo, this recipe is for you too, (maybe):

Hermit Bars

2 cups plus 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 3/4 teaspoons ground cloves
9 tablespoons (1 stick plus 1 tablespoon) vegetable shortening (or unsalted butter but veg. shortening does give it that authentic New England boarding school flavour)
1 cup (lightly packed) light brown sugar
1 large egg
1/4 cup molasses
3/4 cup raisins

Glaze

1 1/2 cups plus 3 tablespoons confectioner's sugar
2 tablespoons plus 2 1/2 teaspoons milk, apple juice (which I particularly like) or water
1/2 teaspoon grated lemon or orange zest (omit if using water or apple juice)

Preheat oven to 375. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper or leave ungreased.

Sift the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, and cloves together in a small bowl and set aside.

Using an electric mixer on medium speed, cream the butter and sugar together in a medium-sized bowl until light and fluffy, about 1 1/2 minutes. Stop the mixer twice to scrape the bowl with a rubber spatula.

Add the egg and mix on medium speed until blended, 20 to 30 seconds. Scrape the bowl.

Add the molasses and mix until blended.

Add the dry ingredients and the raisins and mix on medium speed until the dough comes together, about 1 minute.

Divide the dough in half. Shape each half into a log 1 1/2 inches in diameter by 12 inches long. Arrange the logs on the prepared cookie sheet, leaving at least 3 to 4 inches between them.

Bake the logs until they are very golden but still very soft to the touch and puffy in the center, 17 to 18 minutes. (The dough cracks during baking and it will seem slightly raw in the center even when logs are done.) The logs flatten out and lengthen as they bake.

Cool the logs on the sheet. Cut into 2-inch-wide slices when cool. Each log makes 7 very generous bars.

Prepare the glaze: Place all the ingredients in a bowl and stir them vigorously with a whisk until blended.

Drizzle the glaze over the strips or use a pastry brush to paint the surface of the strips with the glaze. Allow the glaze to harden before eating or storing the cookies.

-from Rosie's All Butter, Fresh Cream. Sugar Packed Cookbook

ODT (and Robbo), Rosie is from Boston and in fact had a little bakery front in Faneiul Hall during my art school years where she sold the most amazing brownies. She's now (or was) in more posh digs out in Chestnut Hill. She uses unsalted butter, but I use veg. shortening to give the hermits that boarding school taste as Mr. P says. Rosie describes the traditional method in which to bake the hermits. I do it much more simple. I line the sheet with parchment paper, place all the dough on it, cover it with a sheet of wax paper and roll it out to one big mass of even thickness of about 1/4". Then I bake it for about 18 minutes as hermits must be moist and chewy to be considered good, let cool and ice. I end up with about 20 hermits that way. I was never into icing hermits before but Mr. P just loves the icing and the citrus zest does add a zing with the ginger, cloves, and cinnamon that just lends itself so nicely with the morning coffee. Mr. P had one this morning as he read that book you two have been discussing.

Comments

[Robbo the Llama Butcher]

Oh, my.

Thankee kindly for your suggestion, Mrs. P.

In the heady days of my legal education, I used to pace myself while hoofing up and down the banks of the Maury River by shadowing squads of Keydets out for their daily constitutionals, so I am quite well aware of what ODT is capable of doing with his sash. (Indeed, it is remotely possible, I suppose, that ODT himself served as my stable-pony on one or more occassions.)

As a Dubyanell man myself, I'd only ask that if he must lash me to my computer, he also leave a bottle of single-malt within hand's reach.

[Old Dominion Tory]

Thank you, Mrs. Peperium, for the recipe for hermits. My grandmother would make them as you do (on the baking sheet) and my grandfather was fond of them with his coffee as well. I'm sure they'll be a big hit at the Tory household.
Robbo, when were you at Washington and Lee Law? I used to run and march down the Maury on many occasions (like almost every day). Therefore, you might have seen me in my fleeter and (much) thinner days.
Keydets still run a lot. In fact, a trustee on our board told a tale of meeting some young men who were alumni of an Atlanta prep school with which he is involved and now attend VMI. At the dinner, one of the young men asked him, "Do the cadets do anything else but run?"
I'll post a recipe soon, too.

[Old Dominion Tory]

Here is my attempt to keep Robbo well-fed in the absence of his wife. Yes, it has a cream sauce, but it is delicious.

Old Dominion Tory's Quick Straw-and-Hay Pasta

Ingredients:

1/4 lb. proscuitto
1 cloves garlic, minced
1 shallot, minced
2 green onions, sliced
1/4 lb. frozen green peas
1/4 cup half-and-half
1/2 tsp. white pepper
1/4 lb. pasta – Straw and Hay linguine if you can find it.

Cook peas until crisp-tender. Drain and set aside.

Cook pasta to desired “feel.”
Drain and return to pot with a little olive oil. Cover.

Cut proscuitto into strips.

Combine garlic, shallots, and green onions and, in olive oil, sauté until soft.

Add proscuitto and sauté for 1-2 minutes.

Add peas and sauté for 1 minute.

Sprinkle white pepper and other desired seasonings over contents of pan.

Add half-and-half and cook until sauce reaches desired consistency (coats the back of a spoon).

Pour sauce over pasta and toss until covered. Serve with grated Parmesan or Romano cheese.

Serves one Mink lawyer.

[Old Dominion Tory]

I made a mistake in my anecdote. The young men in question attend Washington and Lee.
Speaking of the Generals, if you haven't already purchased one, Robbo, you need to get one of the new Washington and Lee neckties that feature images of both Generals--Washington from the Lansdowne portrait and Lee in his uniform.
Mrs. Tory actually bought me one for my birthday; I refer to it as my "Lee and Washington tie."

[Robbo the Llama Butcher]

ODT - Thankee for the additional recipe and the tip about the tie (I hadn't seen it yet).

I grajitated way back in '91. I was back that way a year or so ago and it seemed to me that the footbridge going over the Maury next to Route 11 had vanished.

[Old Dominion Tory]

If the recipe I posted above seems too heavy for summer time in Washington, then perhaps Robbo might find this one a tad lighter.

Zucchini Linguine
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1/2 onion, diced
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 small zucchini, cut into 1/4-inch half-wheels
1 small summer squash, cut similarly
Salt and pepper
2 tablespoons fresh dill weed, chopped (or 2 teaspoons dry)
5-6 large kalamata olives, sliced
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1/4 lb. linguine
1-2 tablespoons sour cream

Lightly brown the garlic in the olive oil on medium heat.
Add the onion and red peppers, and sauté until soft.
Add the zucchini and summer squash, and sauté until soft but not wilted.
Salt and pepper to taste. Add the dill, lemon juice and olives.
Mix and remove from heat.
Toss the mixture with cooked linguine.
Garnish with a dollop of sour cream.

A nice Pinot Grigio pairs well with this dish.

[Old Dominion Tory]

Robbo:
I graduated in 1983 and, therefore, was long gone when you entered Washington and Lee Law.
The original footbridge over the Maury was built in the early 1980s to allow cadets and others easier access to the Chessie Trail.
The Maury flooded and swept the bridge away. It was rebuilt and, again, tons of debris carried down the river during another flood carried it off again.
This routine continued until, I believe, the mid-1990s, when the area experienced two "100-year floods" in three years' time. After the second flood, it was determined that the bridge should not be rebuilt. Talk around Post is for some sort of suspension affair to replace it in the future.
Cheers!