Relish the Gentleman : Our Man About Mayfair
Sir Basil Seal
As you all know, I have spent the last few days sprawled in my deck chair, dipping into my magic trunk of books and generally watching the world go by. Life is good, as it were, and there was nary a line of worry darkening my ever growing brow. I was happy, the Countess was focused elsewhere, I was reading my trove, smoking my pipe, sipping Black Velvet and observing my fellow passengers conspicuously exercising in what appears to be their under garments when I required amusement. I was keeping a low profile as they say, and minding my very own biznay...Then (very pregnant pause) it happened...What happened? you ask, well let me tell you...One morning, as I puffed, sipped and read I noticed that although I had been sitting in bright sunshine just a moment before, I was now in deep shade...Well, I don't remember having moved my chair, and I did not notice that the ship had changed course, so I looked up...There, before, above and seemingly all around me, was a bosom. Well, being an observant chap, after the initial shock of being confronted with such a sight, I realized that there was indeed a woman somewhere aft of the bosom, I could hear her voice, she just had not yet hove into view (for obvious reasons). After backing and filling for a bit before me, she, and they dropped into a chair beside me. Yes, there was indeed a woman attached to that walking mountain range, and she was talking to me... "Hello", she said. "Aren't you Sir Baysel Seal"? "Well, yes I am", I replied "You seem to have me at a disadvantage, have we met"? Let me break in here to try and add some atmosphere for you chaps. Now, this lady possessed what we call a "menacing bosom"...You all know what I am talking about...I mean Nostradamus didn't see these things coming, Newton himself would be stymied if asked why his Law seemed not to apply in this case...This lady was carrying two very un-concealed weapons, and they were pointed straight at yours truly...After glancing quickly about to ensure the Countess was not watching (more for her protection than mine) I tried to get some picture of this somewhat forward bird...Which wasn't easy, if you follow me...Well, I immediately deduced from all the noise, "American" and from the overabundance of Lycra "mutton dressed as lamb" and proceeded from there...
MB: Oh well Sir Baysel, I just knew it was you...I knew you were on board and who else would be dressed like Rex Harrison other than Baysel Seal?...
BS: Tom Wolfe. And you are...?
MB: I'm Candy...
BS: I'm sure you are...
MB: ...And I have been a fan of Patum Peperium a while and knew you were writing over there and was just dying to meet you...You know I have always been a big fan of literature and stuff, and just think your things just soooo funny...
BS: Thank you very much...I am always happy to...
MB: You know I was just out here exercising and noticed you sitting all alone...Well, I just had to say hello and introduce myself...I exercise everyday you know...I have already lost 10 pounds...
BS: Just look behind you, you'll find it...
MB: What?
BS: Nothing, nothing at all my dear...You were saying...
MB: Well...As well as being a very bookish person, I am also very health conscious and am always staying in shape. I recently joined a group of other women, sort of a support group you know, where we get together and talk about things we don't eat...
BS: Very short meetings...
MB: What?
BS: How interesting...
MB: Yes, well, we have to watch our health and all, I love it out here in this fresh sea air...It is very good for you lungs you know Sir Baysel...
BS: What? I'm sorry, I was lighting my pipe, What about lungs?
MB: You know, fresh air and exercise...We have to watch our figures you know...It has really built me up...Do you think it has built me up Sir Baysel?
BS: There is no doubt in my mind...
MB: Are you travelling alone? You know you are always welcome to hang around with me and my friends. We are all fans...Wouldn't it be fun to hang around together?
BS: I find it difficult to think of anything more gratifying...But...
MB: You know I have very literate friends...We all like books and stuff like that...You should hang with us, it would be so much fun...I just started the latest Jackie Collins book...
BS: Ah....Yes...
MB: Well, I have really enjoyed meeting you Sir Baysel...You look just like I thought you would...I hope we see a lot of each other this trip...Is this where you sit everyday? I'll swing by and keep you company...Oh, what fun...I just love writers and people like that...Well, gotta run...See ya soon...
BS: I will, of course, count the minutes...
MB: Bye-Bye!
My Public...Good Lord. To be continued...
You can read more from Sir Basil Seal at his own blog, Man about Mayfair.
Enough already with the sea cruises and deck chairs. You've been in Milwaukee the whole time. http://70.47.34.16/~adspast/store/skin1/images/pics10/blatz51georgesanders.jpg
Posted by: Arthur B. Candy (Mr.) | July 06, 2007 at 10:44 AM
Not to put too fine a point on it, but aren't you basking in the attention that should more properly be lavished on the editors--or at least one of them--of this online potpourri? I name no names, but I think my point is taken.
Posted by: Mr. Peperium | July 06, 2007 at 12:49 PM
Mr. P, is this, not to put a to fine point on it, a request for some candy yourself?
Mr. Arthur B. Candy, .....hahahahahaha.... and naturally a bottom's up!
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | July 06, 2007 at 01:58 PM
Trick-or-treat!
Posted by: Mr. Peperium | July 06, 2007 at 02:26 PM
This goes out to Basil and Candy somewhere in the ship's bar on the Lido Deck...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5P0lTmFgIg
Posted by: Ship's Chaplain | July 06, 2007 at 02:35 PM
Mr. Peperium,
I just looove Sylvia Plath. I've read all of her books. My favorite is "For Whom the Bell Jar Tolls".
It really tolled for me.
Posted by: Taffy (Candy's bosom buddy) | July 06, 2007 at 03:44 PM
Just to say hallow Mrs P, and sorry I didn't comment on your posts before, but I would like to in the future.
Sir Basil, I look forward to finding out what Candy will do next.
Posted by: Nola Girl | July 08, 2007 at 12:21 PM
Hallo Didi. Feel free to comment whenever you like. All the writers here enjoy comments and commenters. Particularly those of Irish origins.
Sir Basil certainly does have his hands full, doesn't he? Hmmn...whatever can be next for our man of pastille?
Posted by: Mrs. Peperium | July 08, 2007 at 09:39 PM