Apologia Pro Vita Sua(or Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place)

Apologia Pro Vita Sua(or Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place)
Lorraine, invited guest

If I had suspected that my comment to Christine would inspire a request for my own history, Henry Tilney himself couldn't have persuaded me to put finger to key. But, as the saying goes, there is no use grumbling over spilt rooibos and if you don't loose your head in the crisis, you may even avoid 2nd degree burns or stains to your Laura Ashley dress.

My ancestry is mostly a blend of Mediterranean and Eastern European peasantry. An earthquake brought many southern Italians across the Pond to New York, where my maternal grandfather's family opened the first pasta factory in the City. They later closed the factory because the machinery was dangerous - here you can perceive my Distributist roots - and opened a successful deli instead. It served them well during the Depression and in fact the whole neighborhood, as my great-grandfather loved to sell food to hungry people on credit and forget that they owed him money. My maternal grandmother's family farmed in the Finger Lakes region and raised many children including my grandmother who looked like Judy Garland but also cooked like an Italian mama, and so captured the heart of my grandfather. On the other side of the tree, things become more complicated(not surprising when you find Irish and Cherokee blooded wedded to Russian peasant stock), including tales of Old World serfdom, orphanages and Navy service. My father's parents were already engaged(to other parties) when they met at a Ball and found that they danced so well together that no other partner would past muster for waltzes or weddings alike. If you have ever seen An Affair to Remember, you'll have a pretty good idea of how that story ended.

I am the second of three daughters. We grew up in a modest home in upstate NY, in a neighborhood of quiet retirees and amidst various and sundry flower beds tended by the same loving hands that pruned us so attentively - namely, those of our excellent parents. We enjoyed reading James Herriot stories together, singing folk songs, starting embroidery projects (whether we finished being largely subject to temperament), observing a daily tea time, quoting Jane Austen novels, reciting the Baltimore Cathechism from memory and terrorizing the local Mormons who knocked on our door expecting to find ignorant and inarticulate heathens.

As a child and teenager, I found myself somewhat of an anomaly, combining a love of sports with bookwormish tendencies. I always enjoyed academic pursuits but, being of somewhat phlegmatic temperament, might not have excelled in that respect were it not for the force of my mother's more choleric personality. But, with her prodding and exhortation, in spite of myself, I trotted off to college a few short weeks after my 17th birthday.

My first semester I affiliated myself with every club, society and program imaginable, including but not limited to chess tournaments, cooking classes, an acapella choir, a Distributist Reading group, the soccer team and theater. 'Twas all jolly, but I rarely had time to appreciate the jolliness. The subsequent semesters proved calmer, but still a whirlwind of picnics, English country dancing, campfires, apple picking and evening parties (involving Belloc, fines cheeses and music more often than not). In my spare time, I studied chappies like Virgil, St. Thomas Aquinas, Newman and Dostoevksy and looked at pretty buildings, as I think I've mentioned before. In ignorance of local custom, I had the cheek to enjoy my thesis work, which included reading Bede's Ecclesiastical History of England and looking at more pretty pictures of an illuminated manuscript called the Lindisfarne Gospels. Oh yes, even got to tell a few stories about saints. Here is my favorite: Before his death, St. Augustine of Kent consecrated three bishops to continue his mission in England(namely, molding anglosaxon barbarians into gentle Christians). When the three bishops later grew discouraged and decided to leave, St. Peter appeared to the chief among them in a dream and beat him for his lack of fortitude. The chastened archbishop awoke and showed his stripes to a heathen king who requested baptism, immediately grasping a subtle tenet of the Faith - angry saints make for poor rest.

After graduating several years past with a degree in History and Philosophy, I settled in a pretty part of Virginia and adopted several local expressions, naming gentleman "Sah" and designating the 2nd person plural with the preferred form "y'all." I also convinced my family to join me.

So there you have it...and I hope I never write anything in the first person again.

"Quoniam melior est dies in atriis tuis super milia elegi abiectus esse in domo Dei mei magis quam habitare in tabernaculis impietatis" Psalm 83:11

You can read more from Lorraine at her own blog Ha Jolly Ha.
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Comments

[Mrs. Peperium]

Do you play Risk?

[Lorraine]

Ha. My family used to call me the Queen of Everything. One starts with Australia - it's easy to defend - then acquires South America and Africa. At that point your opponents either despair or ally against you. Do I play Risk. Ha.

It was while playing Risk that I first realized the wisdom of The Princess Bride: "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia." How true that is...

[Mrs. Peperium]

Ha. I love land wars in Asia. What won't break you will make you always been my strategy...

[Mrs. Peperium]

By the way Lorraine, I would guess that the illustration is not of Henry and Katherine but of Isabelle and Henry's brother, the rake.

[Lorraine]

I sense a despotic streak in your Risk playing strategy which bodes ill for opponents. Does your family call you Mrs. P. the Terrible?

[Lorraine]

I sense a despotic streak in your Risk playing strategy which bodes ill for opponents. Does your family call you Mrs. P. the Terrible?

[Lorraine]

I concur about the picture.

[Christine]

Lorraine,
If that story about St. Peter is true, it gives me an entirely new understanding of sanctity.

Thank you for your delightful apologia. What do you do in VA these days?

[Lorraine]

Christine,

Like any great story, the history of the Church includes a few Woodshed Moments.

I work for a Catholic apostolate as an administrative assistant to an executive officer. This includes some editing, event planning and graphic design, as well as a great deal of data accumulation, entry and presentation. Two things save me from the stifling glow of the computer screen: a bucolic scene framed above my desk(yes, it literally includes sheep) and an outstanding selection of teas which I sip from a comely pottery mug.

In my free time, I also direct choirs or sing with them. This was our latest project:
http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/mediaplayer.asp?ean=687802106729&z=y&track=3&disc=1

[Father M.]

Money quote: "Angry saints make for poor rest." Indeed!

[Christine]

Beautiful CD, Lorraine. You must have had fun making it.

[Mrs. Peperium]

Father M, you've returned!

Lorraine, I have not played Risk in years because I never palyed it until I met Mr. P - the military history buff. I had to go despotic if I wanted to win. He never called me terrible. He just took to begging me to kill him off and end the game once and for all. Which I refused. So he's refused to play with me since 1995. When we were middle school sunday school teachers, I used to play it with the boys at the ski lodge at night on our ski weekend. We'd have great championships. But then the rector broke that up because I got so caught up in it, 2 kids went missing (a boy and girl) and the worse was supsected - s*x. So a search party was called out. The search party searched for two hours in the snow - all the cabins- to no avail...

It turned out the boy and girl were sitting behind me on a couch with a bunch of other kids (I was on the floor) watching the championships the whole time. I just never turned around to see if they were there when the priest rang up the lodge and asked if they were there...

Risk, fun game...

[Christine]

Welcome back, Father. When should we expect your next column?

[Lorraine]

Christine,

I fear I gave an entirely spurious impression. My choir just finished learning the song "Beati Quorum Via," inspired by the lovely recording of a professional choir, Anuna, which played to you from my hyperlink. Nonetheless, I appreciate your great faith in my abilities and my choir certainly had great fun learning the piece and imitating the outstanding performance of Anuna.

Fr. M.,
Thanks. May we hope for a column from you soon?

Mrs. P.,
I haven't played Risk for years either.

My former landlord and landlady, now dear friends as well, taught me a wonderful game which we call the Vegetable Game. All the players choose vegetable names and separate into two teams. You sit in a large circle, alternating players from each team, and leaving one extra chair. Each team attempts to lodge a certain number of its players into designated, adjacent Throne Chairs. The vegetable names become scrambled as soon as playing ensues. and I find that nothing taxes the memory more than following which player holds Okra or Parsnip, and which String Bean or Cucumber. Glorious. I prefer it even to Chess, which speaks volumes to those acquainted with my late night end game puzzle habits.

[Christine]

I love Balderdash myself, and think it's the finest boardgame around. I can't imagine the hilarity that would ensue in an evening of food, wine, and Balderdash with fellow Peperiumites.

[Lorraine]

Balderdash is marvelous. In my family, some definitions acquired legendary status.

No doubt, Patum Peperium was the inspiration for Balderdash.