For Immediate Release

Relish the Gentleman: Our Man about Mayfair 

Sir Basil Seal

You Pathetic Sheep, Why are you wearing your daughter's shoes? Please visit one of my favourite web sites: I Hate Crocs Dot Com... For the pathetic sheep out there who follow fads, this site is dedicated to the elimination of Crocs and those who think that their excuses for wearing them are viable. Do not trot out the "comfortable" clap trap..." "Comfortable" means you are to lazy and childlike to dress like an adult. Besides I'm sure you read an article in Cosmo or somewhere that wearing women's shoes and dressing like a 7 year old will get you laid. Tosser. Give your children their shoes and clothes back and try dressing like a grown up. Wearing your children's clothes will not make you live longer and it makes you look like a complete ass. Believe me, your children think you look like an ass while wearing their shoes too. And stop with the "North Face" jackets already, none of you people even know what the North Face refers to, let alone where it is located. And I know none of you has climbed it. Logo whores. It makes one long for the "Members Only" days...And I'm sure you're probably the last member out there. Park the jacket in the closet next to your snake skin cowboy boots. No matter what anyone says or does, it is never, never acceptable for any man to wear children's plastic clogs. I suppose you're wearing your daughter's underwear as well...The fact that men are willingly doing this illustrates how close our civilization is to complete collapse. Please stop now! You are not European, you really don't like soccer and women's basketball, no one does. You know that clogs are for women and insane asylum inmates and that when you wear them, women are secretly laughing at you and marveling at what a big wuss you are and how easy you are to manipulate, as they should. So turn off "Sex in the City", shave off those ridiculous sideburns, only Elvis can get away with wearing them, give all of your hair gel and other effeminate toiletries to charity, give your ear rings back to your sister, have your plastic surgeon remove the barbed wire tattoo from your arm and the Yosemite Sam from your calf. Although it must be noted that no one can actually see Yosemite Sam since you wear ridiculous short pants which fall to your ankles. Buy a belt and wear your trousers on your waist, do any of you realize how completely ridiculous you look with your trousers worn around your knees? You must know, no one could look into glass and not notice. Take off that stupid backwards baseball cap, visit your barber, not your girl friend's hair dresser, but a real barber. They might be hard to find, but they are still out there, and while there purchase a comb. Return your "Girls Gone Wild" DVD collection and use the money to purchase a pair of actual men's shoes. If you need help, please ask. Yes, I know this hurts but someone has to tell you. It's ok to age, it's natural. Try and do it gracefully. You're never going to have sex with a hot young babe unless you are wealthy and can buy her, and 99.9% of you can't afford it. As for the rest of you losers, the advertisers are lying to you, it's their job. Get over it and take your long suffering wife out to a nice dinner. She will really appreciate the attention, she's earned it by putting up with your crap for all these years. She's the only one who won't call you an ass to your face, (well, at least not all the time) although she thinks you are one, and let's face it, you have given her enough reasons, now haven't you...Are your feeling hurt? Good. Now you know how my eyes feel when I look at your ridiculous shoes!

Comments

[Christine]

Some time back my cousins were all raving about "crocs" and "jibbitz". I didn't even know what they were; they had to explain. I realized they were those garish flourescent plastic things I was seeing on people's feet. One of my cousins even spent $75 on a pair she bought for her daughter at Disney World. Can you even imagine?

Apparently, they were originally worn by hospital staff for comfort, and they somehow spread to the rest of the populace. Let's hope scrubs don't start making an appearance as well...

[Basil Seal]

I thought scrubs had already come and gone. Wasn't there a rash of people wearing scrubs all about the place a few years back? You know the green pajama things, those are scrubs, correct?

[Old Dominion Tory]

The original and, I admit, admirable reason for "crocs'" development was as a gardening shoe. Alas, someone must have said something about "comfort" when they wore them to a feed and seed store and that was that.

[Joules]

I'd like to put in a good word for Crocs because, as a San Diego resident, I find they're wonderful as both a gardening shoe and a beach shoe. I bought a pair upon seeing them in the store in '06 and was satisfied with their performance in both locations. Shortly after buying them, I saw a lady wearing them in the women's dressing room at a department store and foolishly blurted out, "Oh, I never thought Crocs were for anything other than the garden or the beach!" She laughed. "I wear anything that's comfortable. Why not?" That sums up the general attitude around here.

[MCNS]

Crocs are great, especially for gardening and the beach. Now a trend is seen toward more formal wear:

http://www.weddingbee.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/04/z116223021.jpg

Meantime, Sir Basil sticks up for opera pumps with bows. Chacun à son goût.

[Robbo the Llama Butcher]

The advantage of Crocs lies in the fact that they can be cleaned off by means of garden hose, with or without child still in them.

On the other hand, I have had numerous skirmishes with the youngest Llama-ette wherein she claims to have "lost" all her other shoes and therefore must wear her Crocs to church/school/family portrait, etc., etc. (So far I have crushed her in these battles, I'm happy to say.)

[Mrs. Peperium]

Opera pumps are my very favorite shoes for a man. It is true that most believe the wearer is light in the loafers but this sadly, is one of the biggest misconceptions of our day. The wearer of Opera Pumps, more likely than not, is light on his feet, capable of an excellent box step and unafraid of holding a woman in his arms, closely.

Men in Crocs seem to prefer holding a beer and firmly prone to Preen...you know Preen, birth control for your daisies...

[Basil Seal]

Mrs. P, only in the U.S., among certain elements of the population are classic shoes such as the opera pump considered effeminate. Although I have no idea how anyone could compare classic leather footwear, which require time and effort to keep them in good shape,and lasting forever with children's (young girls) plastic shoes...

[Mrs. Peperium]

Plastic is for condoms.

[Old Dominion Tory]

The only thing worse than the plethora of "Crocs" in places where no Croc was meant to be seen--e.g., offices, churches--is the sustained plague of "flip-flops."

[Joules]

This thread reminds me of the chat I had with my mother yesterday. She met us at our church and spent several minutes observing the inappropriate dress of many who were leaving the sanctuary. I wholeheartedly agree with her that it's best to leave sexy off the agenda when you're dressing for church.

This also reminds me of how much I enjoyed watching "Cranford" on PBS last night.

[dareboy]

Oh Perhaps it looks so funny thing to see a man treating all the world of its famous fantastic democracy wearing that unconditional awful boots growing up in the simple mosckva family it was very hard to find quality shows in 80's in russia. This days when lloyd shoes is an ordinary thing for everyday life, i make a notice that person who respect people around should have a pair of hand made italian shoes not less than a couple thousand euro. You can correct me.