Madame's Nightshirt
Mrs. Peperium
School is out. Yesterday, the children and I went to the park. Them to play. Me to read my latest Agatha Christie. After about 2 chapters, Roger Kimball's future daughter-in-law came running over with something in her hand.
"Look Mom, the first fish fly of the season."
Fish flies are a local phenomenon. They are long, ugly and smell faintly of pickerel. Every June they fly in off the lake to congregate in great swarms around all the neon signs, street lamps, landscape lighting and--most distressingly--ATM shelters they can find. At the height of fish fly season it is nearly impossible to take a stroll without sounding like you're breaking the crust of new-fallen snow. Since they only live for 24 hours, the faint pickerel smell alluded to above becomes stronger as fish fly season progresses. Nevertheless, our kids love catching them. So do the birds. They're an easy prey and make good eating, so we are told, for both parents and hatchlings.
After giving the wriggling fish fly in RKFDIL's hand an admiring once over I said, "Hey, get Little Bertie and let's go out to the pier and see if we can find more. Plus we can check up on the goslings, signets and baby Mallards." (The kids and I have been watching several broods of water birds mature this Spring.) RKFDIL yanked Little Bertie out of one of the playscape tunnels he and his friends were playing Star Wars in, and off we went. I was feeling very Daddy Warbucks at the moment and decided to treat the children to their new favorite treat - giant Pixie Sticks. So before making the great walk out to the Pier, we swung by the concession stand where Dick served up the kids two of his best giant Pixie Sticks; orange and blue raspberry. In a great flourish, he cut the tops off for them and handed them over. They went into full guzzle pure sugar mode.
We set out for the pier. It took less than 2 minutes for the sugar to have its most natural effect. Little Bertie began running around in great big circles with RKFDIL giving chase. As I watched them a lightbulb went off in my head. I needed to call Mr. P. Yelling to the kids I told them to go on ahead to the gazebo (which was about 200 feet in the distance with absolutely no one around) and I would catch up to them once I told Dad what I needed to tell him. Well, that was all the encouragement Little Bertie needed. Adjusting his compass points for the gazebo, he broke into a fast gallop, giant Pixie stick firmly in his hand. RKFDIL, never the really independent type, turned and ran to me to do her best imitation of a sheep dog to date. She ran circles that must have been 30 feet in circumference around me. As I chatted with Mr. P on the cellphone I kept my eyes trained on Little Bertie. Full of good cheer and giant Pixie Stick, at breakneck speed he ran straight into the gazebo. And then, before the next sentence was out of my mouth to Mr. P a great howl came up from inside the gazebo.
At a speed faster than he had entered the gazebo, Little Bertie emerged. He still had his giant Pixie stick firmly in his hand but there was something different about him, besides the great howls he was giving off that is.
RKFDIL stopped doing her doughnuts around me to look to at her brother. Mr. P was still on the other end of the line and he heard the howls of his offspring. As my brain tried process what was happening I did hear Mr. P repeating (rather loudly) "What's happening? What's happening?"
"Little Bertie has a bird on his head."
"WHAT?"
"Little Bertie has a bird on his head. There's a Red wing Blackbird on him. It's hitting him with its wings and pecking at his hair. He must have a nest in the gazebo."
"LITTLE BERTIE HAS A RED WING BLACKBIRD ON HIS HEAD? WHAT? YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING MRS. P!!"
I started laughing. Mr. P was now really screaming, "DO SOMETHING NOW!!"
"Faster Little Bertie - RUN FASTER - OVER HERE!!!". Little Bertie, hearing my voice turned in my direction. Seeing him run towards me with bird on head and in full howl, brought about a most natural reaction.
My knees buckled and I convulsed with spasms of laughter.
You see, I had seen something almost exactly like this before...
To be continued...
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